


when you're a fugitive, everything's hard

by orphan_account



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Hurt No Comfort, Mental Illnesses, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, everyone except wilbur is just mentioned, im so tired, this is just word vomit ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27122477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He was only seventeen when he started a revolution, Tommy and Tubbo only eleven, Fundy barely scraping fourteen, and Eret being sixteen.Wilbur is the oldest, and he thinks that he was too young to start a revolution.What does that say about his troops?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 161





	when you're a fugitive, everything's hard

**Author's Note:**

> tw // implied insomnia , fire , death , arrows , angst , mental illnesses , implied suicidal feels

**NOTE:**

**a little self divulgent fic where wilbur thinks that maybe he just wants to be happy again.**

Leading a country is hard.

Staging a coup is even harder.

Wilbur is by no means _weak_. There’s no way in hell that Wilbur is _weak_ , because he was raised with Technoblade himself under the roof of a man who dives into world’s where you can’t respawn. There’s just no way.

Wilbur knows he has breaking points, though. Everybody has breaking points.

He can see it in the way Tommy never likes being alone, too afraid to be left writhing on the floor because of a sneak attack and this time die afraid and hurt.

He can see it in the way Tubbo never likes fire, too afraid to see another base burst into flames and this time let himself fall into the fire and die with no body to bury.

He can see it in the way Fundy never likes other people, too afraid to get stabbed in the back by someone you thought you could love and appreciate until the other dies.

Wilbur has seen too many people break, and he isn’t willing to watch himself fall.

Wilbur thinks that maybe he should’ve thought it over.

He was only seventeen when he started a revolution, Tommy and Tubbo only eleven, Fundy barely scraping fourteen, and Eret being sixteen. 

Wilbur is the oldest, and he thinks that he was too young to start a revolution. 

What does that say about his troops? 

About how Eret learned what it’s like to lose a family and be berated with bad comments before turning eighteen? About how Fundy learned what it’s like to lead a country just in case Wilbur didn’t respawn when he was only sixteen? About how Tubbo learned what every arrow felt like, the cold and painless feeling of being _so close_ to death before you get shot all over again when he was thirteen? About how Tommy learned what it was like to trade and run and shoot and feel the pain of a whole country falling on his shoulders when he was fifteen?

What does that say about Wilbur?

Wilbur is selfish. Wilbur is ignorant. Wilbur is stupid.

Out of it all, Wilbur thinks he’s too young.

He feels sympathy for himself, alright? Wilbur feels bad for having the weight of a country on him by nineteen. Wilbur feels bad that he gets this pain in his chest when he thinks of little Fundy, when he thinks of how Tubbo waved off his birthday when he turned fifteen, when he thinks of how Tommy always brought a tiny spruce sapling inside when Christmas came close.

Because they didn’t deserve this.

Because they were kids who didn’t need this _stupid_ war to interfere with them, who should’ve been living out there childhood like normal kids.

Wilbur is _so stupid_.

It’s like a slap in the face when he realizes that Wilbur just misses his dad.

He just wants to be safe, he just wants to be able to cuddle up next to a laughing Phil, a protesting Tommy, and a very stiff Techno again. He wants to be able to lay his head on Phil after a bad day, or spar with Techno, just to lose every time. He wants to debate with Tommy and win every time, or watch Tubbo make cool redstone contraptions and prank Tommy.

Wilbur just wants to be happy again. 

But it’s hard to be happy when danger lurks around every corner, it’s hard when someone will wake up in the middle of the night, screaming for help and no more fighting.

It’s so, _so_ hard to be happy now.

Wilbur just wants to rest again, with no fear of being attacked or something exploding under him. Wilbur just wants to be happy again, with no underlying feel of being fake or a few words that say, “ _Be happy for the kids_ ,” because he should be happy for himself god damn it.

Because Wilbur wants to be happy again, but he’s just too tired to.

Wilbur wants to lay down and rest, but it’s hard when he’s a fugitive.


End file.
